Top 5 Parent Fails from MyBadParent.com
The more I browse the Internet, the more I realize how terrible some people are at raising their children. Yes, parenting fail is rampant. And thanks to the Internet, we now have documentation for posterity of said parental errors, and of course for the far more important reason of making sure they’re available for strangers like you to laugh at. So, enjoy some of the juicier tidbits brought to you courtesy of MyBadParent.com and check out the hilarious book based on the site as well.
1. Now Served Over Rice
Introducing the Baby Silencing Pan! Just place squalling child inside of pan and place in oven for guaranteed results in five minutes or less!
You know, I wonder if the person responsible for this realizes that the “Eat Babies” Internet Meme wasn’t meant to be taken literally.
2. Chuggin’ Like a Pro
A kid’s just not a kid unless he can down one in five seconds or less.
Breast feeding hasn’t really been the same since Spring Break ’11.
3. Extreme Air Pollution Requires Extreme Measures
Silly Dad, everyone knows airbags aren’t approved for children under 12.
He actually did have his heart in the right place though: this was the only way to keep the little imp from sneezing all over his windscreen.
4. Sick Burn, Bro!
The worst part of this picture is that no one knows he’s actually being possessed by a ghost.
Well, he’s going to get secondhand smoke anyway, might as well give him the rush to go with the lung cancer.
5. Child Restraints have Never Gone So Wrong
Yeegads! Why isn’t that child wearing a helmet! Pssh, so unsafe.
Its not what you think: Mom’s just training her son for an adulthood of weird fetishes.
Can’t get enough photos of extreme parenting fail? Then you’ll love the book based on MyBadParent.com, available at Amazon and other fine retailers.
And now, to wrap up this fine mess of parenting, allow me to share with you a story of terrible parenting in action. I once knew a man, we’ll call him Winston, who had two children: an 8 year old daughter and a 12 year old son. Now Winston, he was a nice guy, problem was, he wasn’t exactly worthy of fatherly praise, if you know what I mean. He liked to play pranks on his children, except they weren’t the kind of pranks one should really pull on their children, or for that matter, anyone at all.
He once dyed his daughter’s hair orange while she was asleep, then told her later the reason her hair had seemingly changed colors overnight was because she liked Carrot Top. The only Halloween costumes he would buy his children were Britney Spears and Magic Mike. And we’re not talking about Britney Spears circa 1999, we’re talking Britney Spears after a three day bender in the aftermath of making out with Madonna. After accidently overfeeding and killing the family goldfish, he flushed the corpse and then taped a sign to the empty fish bowl that read “Gone Fishin”. When his son asked him for help with his school science project, Winston told him to build a volcano and fill it with Mentos and Pepsi, but not to mix the two until it was time for the presentation.
Of course, you’ll notice I’m using all of these descriptors about Winston in the past tense. Well, there’s a reason for that. Winston is now in prison. His crime? Disseminating child pornography. Well, that’s what the police saw it as, anyway. You see, Winston thought it would be funny to take a picture of his son showering without his knowledge (remember, he’s 12) and then post it on HIS OWN Facebook page with the caption “Dat Fine Ass.”
The lesson here? Don’t be like Winston. Respect your children, so they can hate you for all the right reasons in adulthood instead of all the wrong ones.
By Ben Adelman