Golden Tweet of the Day: @joeschmitt
You know who sucks? Aggressive drivers. And cowardly drivers. And slow drivers. And drivers who are not me. — @joeschmitt
read moreGolden Tweet of the Day: @bumpcrud
Dear self: If scratching your face with a clicky pen, make sure the tip isn’t out. Also, no one believes they are cat whiskers. Stop trying. — @bumpcrud
read moreGolden Tweet of the Day: @jharlot
If you’re in a Silent Treatment battle, it’s always a good idea to make sure there’s enough toilet paper before you use the bathroom. — @jharlot
read moreGolden Tweet of the Day: @TheDLC
Huh, I don’t usually watch golf. The one thing I’m noticing between Watson and Mickelszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz — @TheDLC
read moreGolden Tweet of the Day: @Spooky_Johnson
After 4 weeks on a low-cholesterol diet, it’s become clear that “cholesterol” is just a fancy word for “flavor”. — @Spooky_Johnson
read moreGolden Tweet of the Day: @bytErrant
If you want someone to open a work email, you need a good subject line. “Robot Dogs Dig Holes in the Space-Time Continuum.” I’d read that. — @bytErrant
read moreGolden Tweet of the Day: @linajk
When setting the table, does the remote control go to the left, to the right or over the dinner plate? — @linajk
read moreGolden Tweet of the Day: @jgwaelchli
Anyone ever take their son over to grandma’s at noon because they can’t figure out what to make for lunch? Yeah, me neither. — @jgwaelchli
read moreGolden Tweet of the Day: @justmeeagainn
I can no longer afford to see a doctor, but I can afford to see a guy who plays one on TV. — @justmeeagainn
read moreGolden Tweet of the Day: @iamnotdiddy
Lord: We’re grateful that our families haven’t found us on Twitter & that donkeys can’t talk. That’d be embarrassing for many of us. Amen. — @iamnotdiddy
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