Sorry dude. My wife and I had a meeting and we’ve decided I don’t want to hang out with you any more. — @cravenheart

It’s adorable how this salesman thinks I’m interested in buying a sweeper when I’m just bored and unemployed. — @Miss_Cook

My son just made this awesome sand castle with cannons and everything, but all the cat cares about is this kid sitting in his litter box. — @lukeinvan

The best things in life are free..ied in butter and covered in cheese. — @succitaM

If I’m not careful, all these amazing weekends will add up to an amazing life. — @chrisblake